Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
