where am i from again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
