u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
