that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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