She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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