Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
