after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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