You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
