He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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