If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
