if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
