i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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