A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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