Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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