eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
