all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
