do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
