mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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