you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
