So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
