when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
