WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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