I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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