Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
