Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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