i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
