At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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