I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You were trust falling into bushes
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
