This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So many bounce houses so little time
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize