you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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