dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
