Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
