I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
