man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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