I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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