1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
