I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
