hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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