If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
