I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
