I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
