Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
