Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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