i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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