i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
