I got chris browned last night
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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