haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
