Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize