the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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