You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
