I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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