the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
