Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
