I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
