i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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