he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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