I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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