I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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