I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize