I accidentally had phone sex last night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
we're so committed to being not committed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
