She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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