I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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