Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize