I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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